Lately I’ve been thinking about how tough it is, as a person with NLD, to distinguish between being assertive and being overly defensive. Like other people with NLD I know, I can be stubborn. Not super-rigid, just loyal to my opinions, sometimes a bit excessively. Maybe I sometimes blur over-defensiveness with assertiveness because unless I hear the issue, (as the saying goes) I never know for sure. For instance, if I am developing a closer relationship with someone, I don’t allow myself to think of them entirely as a friend until they refer to the relationship as a friendship verbally. I know this reaction is a self-defensive one. Too often, I’ve wanted a friendship when someone else hasn’t felt the same way. To help prevent this from happening, I get more cautious about how I see relationships, even when it’s not necessary. Secondly, I had to fight to be understood as a kid. I was criticized for being a talkative child, so much so that I observed relative silence in school. I’ll get back to these issues later. For now, I just wanted to comment that sometimes I will appear defensive, when in effect, it’s just my way of thinking through a matter. More later.
So Many Thin Lines