NLD and the Struggle to Move Past Things

Because I have NLD, it takes longer for me to “move on” from experiences. One reason is this: I have delayed reactions to social events. After a conversation, I need to replay the other person’s comments and try to put them together. If I didn’t have NLD (or a related LD), I’m pretty sure the conversation’s theme(s) would more easily hit me, perhaps during the conversation, which would give me needed clues to best respond. Since it takes longer for me to get to that point (and I have insecure motor skills–i.e., I’m trying not to fall down, tip over, or knock something over, et cetera), I tend to have very flat responses. I’m not animated or sparkly in most settings. I can be more talkative as I get comfortable, but I’m usually restrained. I may look distressed, but I’m just trying to process things, to compensate as best I can for my social perception troubles. I’m also trying to avoid immersing myself too much because a) it’s overstimulating and b) I’d rather distance myself than risk making a social mistake, since it’s tricky for me to identify and make up for the mistake on the spot. More soon.

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8 Responses to “NLD and the Struggle to Move Past Things”

  1. Patrick .J Says:

    I feel exactly the same way about my interactions. Furthermore (for me at least) I may not come up with a good reply, or anything at all to say, after the conversation is over and done with. Does this happen to you any?

    • hannahcamille Says:

      It does, much of the time. I was thinking today that I don’t know what to say about 90% of the time. You’re definitely not alone.

  2. Patrick .J Says:

    That’s always been my problem; I just don’t know what to talk about. It is very angering at times.

    Thanks!

  3. Pippi C Says:

    My problem as well, about 80% of the time. But I think it depends on my mood. If I’m cheery, I’d be vibrant and even witty and won’t have problems participating in conversations. Unfortunately, this is only about 20% of the time because I suffer from major clinical depression. There has to be a way to be more engaged apart from drugs and alcohol. Any tips?

    • hannahcamille Says:

      For me, one-on-one conversations are usually easier than group ones. I think explaining to people that I have NLD is often a great benefit to them and me, but I get that people wouldn’t necessarily want to share that in every situation. I don’t talk about it with everyone myself. Like you I have a chronic medical condition that doesn’t allow me to drink more than a few sips, and I don’t think drugs or alcohol would do much to help. I’m going to research anti-anxiety medications soon. I might blog about the different ones and their side-effects. Do you take anti-anxiety medicine? If so, does it help? I’ve had some conversations that I found much easier than others. It usually has to do with whether someone I’m talking to is a “good conversationalist.” Talking to a relaxed, extroverted person helps me feel like my NLD issues are less burdensome.

    • hannahcamille Says:

      Social settings, as you observe, are very difficult. I’d say you’re wise to stay away from drugs or alcohol. I also find it helpful to do this. I’ll think about these issues and try to write more about them. If you take depression medicine, does it help? Does your doctor know about NLD? If so, do you feel well-understood by him/her?

  4. Pippi C Says:

    Do you take anti-anxiety medicine?
    No, I don’t usually take anti-anxiety medicine although I have tried xanax in the past, which have helped in situations which I have needed it. This was before I had to take stimulant medication for ADHD to cope with the demands of my profession. But I have never taken both in combination.

    I completely agree with you that it is easier to maintain a conversation with someone who is relaxed and extroverted.

    If you take depression medicine, does it help? Does your doctor know about NLD? If so, do you feel well-understood by him/her?

    I recently switched my depression medication after 4 years of being on the previous one which worked for me initially. Unfortunately, depression creeps up on you while you are all too unaware of it and it is only recently that I have had to consider a change in medication. Along with depression medication, I have also changed my doctor. I was only recently diagnosed with NLD and my doctor was just as recently informed of it. I have tried educating my doctor on NLD, and I think she understands from a very superficial standpoint what it is but I doubt she really understands the breadth of the challenges associated with it. I lack confidence because I feel pressured constantly to process my thoughts efficiently for others. Her opinion is that I have a submissive personality which I’m sure is how it comes off to most people I deal with. My take on it is that I appear meek because both NLD and ADHD (having terrible short-term memory) have caused me to second-guess myself constantly when asked to provide answers in a limited amount of time. As you can probably appreciate, this is extremely anxiety-producing as well and it just exacerbates the lack of credibility that I already appear to lack to others.

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