I am so bad at letting go of bad experiences. When people say “move on,” NLD makes it really hard to figure out how to do this. Thankfully my therapist helps me with some of the nonveral-behavior translation, but I can’t help feeling a) like something of a stranger to my feelings, and b) as though I can’t separate myself from some of the really strong emotions. It’s a funky paradox which sometimes results in inertia, or a still sense of negativity. Part of this comes from living most of my life depressed. I grew out of the worst stuff, and my medicine is very successful in stopping the depressed feelings. Yet like an addict, I still have the mood disorder, and it causes me to over-tolerate poisonous feelings. NLD is a master of fixation, so I also “fixate on the negative.” With the help of my therapist, I’ve gotten much more positively-focused, but I have so much emotional work to do still. I need to somehow use the NLD’s tenancity to welcome in acceptance of who I am, and to recognize how important my individual talents are.
I am very proud of activists who take up the NLD-and-related-conditions cause. I hope to do more in this vein. The world needs each of us to. Our society at present does not think accurately about the spectrum. I hope that by writing about my experiences, I can help change this. More people need to talk about what it’s really like to live with these conditions. I don’t live near much support, so I know how important the online discussions are.
How have I let go in the past, one could reasonably ask? One thing that’s worked for me: comparing the dwelled-on experience to a negative stimulus that’s really gross, such as an infestation. That got me to stop constantly thinking about a traumatic experience, finally. We with NLD have to get very good at going on from the bad things, because we have more difficult lives, which means learning to relax is also essential.
At first I didn’t want to relax. I was too uptight to even consider it, but now I’m working really hard taking small steps, such as drinking mason jars full of tea, so I can give my system a good chance of ridding the toxins. This is ongoing. Keep up the good work, and don’t give up.