“Crushing Hard”

The above is a term an old friend used when I was into a person who did not share my interest.  The same thing happened recently.  (Not super-recently, but within recent memory.)  I met someone through a common activity who I couldn’t help feeling drawn to, from the first time we saw each other.  I’m at the age where there’s steady pressure to be married and have children.  Neither change has happened in my life, but I see it all around me.  This young man seemed to have some qualities that (what I think of as) a good dad would have.  I was probably also falling for Freud’s issues–wanting a parent figure in a significant other.  The feelings were not shared, or even revealed.  I saw him recently by chance.  It was not the hoping-to-run-into-him narrative that I imagined.  Instead, he looked cowardly and walked away.  This person is older than me, but I think relationship-phobic. A minor sense of ouch ensued as I walked away.  It’s hard to meet people.  When you have NLD, it’s really hard.  The challenge does not stop.  At some point, one reaches an age where everyone else is dating someone.  Which is why I’m so glad Lady Gaga is saying it’s fine to be single.  I love listening to her.  Some days in the mornings, I have an “I need to listen to Lady Gaga” feeling, so I lose myself in the songs–which describe things I’ve never done, like dancing at clubs–while I do housework.

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