Incongruence of Facial Expressions

I’ve meant to write about this for awhile. My facial expressions do not always match my emotions, or what I want to convey. For instance:

-sometimes I smile without meaning to smile, at inappropriate times, and I can’t do anything about it (kind of like when people have “tic” disorders, but not exactly)
-sometimes my face is fixed in a serious position (I used to be a chronic frowner, and had to train myself to have a more neutral expression, but sometimes I revert back to my old frowns)
-sometimes my face looks much more still than all I’m actually thinking about
-sometimes the inappropriate smiles will happen on-the-spot, when someone says something that is really serious and/or controversial

In my family some people smile when they’re anxious. I didn’t have social role models until I was an adult. I am ill-at-ease with my facial expressions. They don’t match my complex feelings. And they, until I know someone well, reduce in some ways the joy of relationships. I wish there was a way around this. We with NLD must not be judged by our different ways of communicating. I hope to work towards a society where different styles of communication are accepted as the norm. I can’t help that I prefer writing. It evens out the challenges of social relating. I do enjoy my offline relationships, but they are also exhausting. I won’t apologize for loving alone time. I can most easily organize my thoughts when alone, and don’t have to worry about the scrutiny of other people. Plus things like facial expressions are pretty much a non-issue when I’m alone. Thus, it’s must easier to get my thoughts together. We with NLD have the potential to think in very useful ways, that could benefit a variety of professions and/or areas of study, but until rigid social constructs adjust to the reality of NLD, I worry that our potential to contribute to society will not be what it can or should.

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