NLD, PTSD, Transitions, Mortality

Hello Everyone,

Sorry it’s been awhile.  I am very honored that so many people have written to me.  I’m learning so much.  I have PTSD, from a combination of bad experiences.  The major one took place when I was a teenager.  As I’ve alluded to in other posts, in high school, which I dropped out of for 1.5 years, I lived with another family.  During that time, one of the people there, a much older adult, was a chronic abuser.

This abuse, however, was cleverly wrapped up in promises of love, and also encouragement in my abilities, such as writing.  So it wasn’t the typical scenario one might read about, when the abuser is just plain openly hateful.  By contrast, this person professed love.  My family doesn’t really act like a family, or treat me as a family member, and never has, so I found the attention impossible to pass up.  And NLD made it harder for me to see the signs of trouble.

Things ended really badly.  I got thrown out, then the authorities were involved.  Despite the abuse, I missed this person for many years, and went through a prolonged grieving process.  NLD, of course, makes it harder form new relationships.  Meanwhile, I spent 10 years, in my small community, making sure I wouldn’t run into the person.  I hoped fervently I’d get an apology one day, or some resolution.  Then, very recently, I learned that the person had died of terminal illness.  I didn’t know until I read the paper.  So now I’m trying to accept that I will never get an apology, or chance to work things out.

I’m going through some grief again, having realized I will never know what this person thought.  I’m also re-living the relationship’s end, which sparks PTSD.  Everything changes.  And you really do never know.  It’s horrible that kids with LD issues are more likely to be abused.  It has to stop.  I want those years back.  Other than this news, things are going well.  I read cooking blogs, plan for school in fall, look for jobs, and care for my dog.  I’m also on Facebook.  I’m glad there are some LD-related outlets on that site.  More later.

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